I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
still finding ketchup in my shoes. thanks to graduation that is probably the last time ill ever say that..
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
I have the overwhelming need to take care of him. Both with my vagina and like emotionally.
When are your genitals available?
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
Randomize
