OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
You leave a trail of fuck everywhere you go
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Got stiff armed by the garbage man on the back of the truck...I just wanted to ride one block dude
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
