Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Randomize
