420 ftw
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
