thus making me awesome and them whores
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
