Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
Randomize
