this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so i woke up thsi morning with a phadora on my head, no shirt and a huge hangover? want to help me figure this out?
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
