i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
please bring me a paper towel asap.
I was drinking wine in bed and spilt some on my chest.. And I cautiously guided it into my belly button but now I dont know what to do.
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Unemployment check just came in. As soon as I stop pretending I have morals I'm buying weed. Puff puff pass uncle sam.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
