fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
