He asked to "fluff my boner.."
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Randomize
