Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Your shirt... Was in my pants
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
