A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
Speaking of lightening speed, he ate me out while I was watching The Flash. If that's not winning at life idk what is
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
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