they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
The only reason I know his name is because we wrote marriage vows in orange crayon on the back of a Walmart receipt.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
Randomize
