omg... punch me in the throat... I am about to lose my mind with my parents.. I'm not saying I agree with the menendez brothers.. but I understand
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
Randomize
