Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
