this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
they won't let me drive with my sombrero
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Every time you talk about your facial hair I immedately get horny
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
Randomize
