Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
she peed on how many people?
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
