I fucked a guy named chris tucker last night
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
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