my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Ended up at a lesbian bar and almost got stabbed in the eye with a dart. Weirdest bachelor party ever.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
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