I cannot find my penis.
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
Hint of advice dont get with minor league baseball players, you can google their stats but not their stds.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Randomize
