I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
Randomize
