So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
doc says my ankle might be broken, they're going to do xrays. He asked me what happened and I told him if he could find out that would be great.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
