you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
You made me pull over because you thought a leaf was a twenty rolling across the road.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
You know I love you more than life itself, but love has its limits. And so help me god, if you bail on me, I will fucking watch the last Game of Thrones episode without you.
so he found out i have him as "average size" in my phone. fair to say we arnt going to be dating anymore
I need mimosas to revive my soul
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