Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
