I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
