I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
