hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Thanks for being the best husband and reassuring my fuck buddy that you're comfortable with my adultery. You da real MVP.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Randomize
