She is in my trunk
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
Just got a script for 120 vicodin with 6 refills. I feel like michael jackson.
I could make treat bags
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
