you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
I'm actually pretty neutral about a lot of things. I'm like Switzerland with a penis.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
Randomize
