oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
EXCEPT MY COUSIN SAW MY SEX TAPE!
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
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