Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
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