I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
