nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I just know... :) goodntight
Whoops, meant "goodnight", but the other is true too.
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
The bottle brush for the bong worked really well to clean the brownies out of the waffle maker.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
