He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
Driving out to Plano is like driving away from your twenties
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
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