I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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