I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
Turns out naked twister is less fun than it sounds. I can never look Lee in the eye again. But Aimee's boobs are glorious.
Randomize
