It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
im bored tell me something entertaining
You got period blood on my carpet. I lied to my mom and said it was jam.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
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