The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
So I went home with some chick last night... I'm not sue what's worse: not getting a nut at 5am, the condom breaking and not being replaced, feeling poo when I put my finger in her but, sleeping on a heroin mattress in her living room, her swine flu coughing fit at 7am or realizing she peed the matt at 10am. Actually it was probably the fact that she continuously told me she was the classiest girl in boulder.
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Two words: blizzard sex
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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