everytime i eat a fruit i feel like i'm eating ovaries
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
oh btw ur so lucky i got stoned and passed out or we sooo would have bedazzled your dick while you slept. just sayin.
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
oh, i solved that problem. i told him i wanted to steal my roommate's nephew. radio silence. haven't heard from him since.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Randomize
