Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
He was 6'5 and wearing a kilt, how could I not fuck him
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
