so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
I just realized how terrible that was... I was drumming on your penis to a song about Baby Jesus.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
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