That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
