Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
If you could smell my eyes you'd understand the whole story
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Ok maybe second best. He dated a stripper. Can't compete with that level of hoeness
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