You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
