who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Sorry I didn't pick up for your booty call. I usually am asleep at 4:00 on Thursdays. Like a normal person.
its not a party unless mikie exposes himself
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
These bathrooms are miraculous. I'd love to have sex in here. Wow. I've peed 5 times.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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