do you believe in love at first sight?
awwwwww =)
yea.. so can i have your sisters number? thanks!
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
My sexual preferences tend to require a degree in psychology to understand
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
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