Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
