11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Randomize
