I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
In the store looking for it now. They put the theatre/script section right next to the gay erotica section. Rude. Practical, but rude.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
You did things that should be illegal to a Twinkie and asked strangers to drive you home.
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
Randomize
