So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
