I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Come on in and take your pants off
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